So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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