..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
