I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
