I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
