Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
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Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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