Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
