TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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