if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize