oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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