She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
