i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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