My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
