Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
