Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
there's paper in my vomit.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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