peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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