Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
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there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
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Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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