Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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