I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
