Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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