Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we're making bets on your personal life
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
