fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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