why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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