I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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