Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we're chasing vodka with high fives
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
