Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
