The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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