you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
