So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always time for handjobs
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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