So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
