when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
