I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
