Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
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You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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