you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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