she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just found puke in my bra..
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
