When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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