I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
