Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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