also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize