you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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