If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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