yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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