i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
