It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
