Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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