This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
