I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
