you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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