I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
