i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dont lie about slip and slides
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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