Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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