Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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