my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
