You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
