Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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