Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
