He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
