Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
