Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My cat gives me a boner
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
