Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
