so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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