If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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