I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
