Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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