Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
