11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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