ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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