We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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