wanna go halves on a baby?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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