4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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