Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
